Have you been recording a new album?
No. It hasn't been possible. I signed with Mercury US in '97, and they immediately collapsed, so I've spent a long time trying to get disentangled. Most artists were just 'released' from their contracts and initially I wasn't one of them. The label was bought out by Seagram [Universal], who decided to let me go. I was very grateful.

So you are, in fact, without a record deal?
I've been on so many labels, I have no idea where I'll end up next. Rough Trade, probably.

Any new song titles you'd care to share with us?
No. You'll have plenty of opportunity to poke fun at them when the next album is released. Why start early?

So what have you been doing for two years?
Driving around LA minding my own business. Stimulating.

The last public sighting of you was when you turned up at a signing at an HMV in New Mexico, apparently unbeknown to the organisers. Why did you show up?
Unbeknown! It was completely organised! Otherwise, why would there have been 'organizers'? Do you think I just turned up at a record shop in New Mexico carrying a wallpaper table, shouting at people to form an orderly queue? I somehow don't think so!

Where are you living now, and what's your gaff like?
I live in Los Angeles, in a house built in 1931 by Clark Gable; to his specifications, that is. He built it for Carole Lombard, but she was killed in a plane crash before she'd had time to pick out the curtains. Since then, I'm told F Scott Fitzgerald lived here, and John Schlesinger. But not together. Also, Robert Stigwood threw the Saturday Night Fever party here on the night of its premiere. So, all those people have sat on my toilet. Incredible, isn't it?

What sort of fans do you attract these days?
As far as I know, I don't attract any fans at all.

How do you feel about being referred to, as you were in reviews of your last UK performance, as Jarvis Cocker's dad?
Just relieved that they didn't say Joe Cocker.

Are you currently feeling devious, truculent, or unreliable?
The judge who said those words only did so because they described exactly what I am not, nor have ever been. He would be delighted that you remember his quote. This judge, John Weeks, had his eye on the press when he made that comment. Some judges are a bit like ex-drummers, they'll do anything for a bit of press attention. I was delighted when Michael Stipe called him a "fuckhead" in Q magazine. It was the first time anyone had ever stood up for me in the press on this matter.

What words describe your frame of mind?
I'm mostly serene, and still in love with music and 'the pop moment'.

And are you buff or weedy these days?
A little bit of each, but not much of either.

What's your fitness regime?
I only swim. I used to walk a lot in London, but if you walk in Los Angeles people lean out of windows and point at you.

What was the last film that you enjoyed?
I came across a VHS copy of Nil By Mouth in a shop in Hollywood for $99. This was before the film was released, and before much was generally known about it. I was intrigued, bought it, and spent the next two weeks watching it non-stop.

Which contemporary musicians do you rate?
Goldie, Moby, Mouldy, and Tricky. Sorry, just kidding about Mouldy- there's no such person.

What is it that so horrifies you about modern life?
In Britain, politics. Considering the obsession that the British media have with politics and politicians, it's surprising how catastrophic British politicians are. The British media still don't have the nerve to admit to themselves how useless Tony Blair is. Useless for Britain, useless for Europe. Useless, useless, useless. I think it's sad that England can't produce one single inspiring politician.

Having anatomised British culture so exhaustively, why do you no longer want to live here?
Because I've anatomised British culture so exhaustively. Besides, I can't stand Channel 5.

Ah. And you've also described the BBC as "scum". Why?
You wouldn't ask this question if you'd ever sampled the food in the BBC canteen.

When's the definitive Morrissey novel coming out?
As soon as Melvyn Bragg snuffs it. Fingers crossed.

There's yet another Smiths-to-reform rumour doing the rounds. Are you and Johnny Marr ever going to get back together?
Well, let me put it this way: no.

How about 'the other two'?
I've never met Gillian or Stephen. Apparently, Gillian's keyboard technique has been compared to Jo Brand pole-vaulting.

Given your admiration of the Kray twins, what do you think of Tricky recording a whole album with gangsters?
If Tricky made an album with Princess Anne and a lump of sugar, I'd buy it. And I don't think I ever said I admired the Kray twins. Did I?

At which point did you stop being celibate, why and who with?
I don't see how anyone would benefit from seeing that kind of information in print. Least of all me.

Viv Nicholson was a Smiths icon. Are you tempted by the musical, Spend, Spend, Spend, made about her life?
Yes. I'm tempted to avoid it.

After everything that has happened to you, why on earth do you still bother?
For the same reason that Saint Francis of Assisi bothered.

This article was culled from the November, 1999 issue of The Face magazine and was generously transcribed by Jason Endicott.
Printed without permission for non-profit use only.